Of the Heart and of the Mind. Three point one four one five nine.
Saturday, April 17, 2004
A few things I forgot (and I'm not going to go through right now and find the proper places for them).
- Monday when everything started falling apart, the song "London Bridge is falling down" started going through my head, and ever so often for the next two days also, except on Monday it was "Jen-ni-fer is falling down".
- Wednesday the Anxiety attack like feelings of February started up, and I decided I didn't want that again but wanted to feel like I had Monday morning in the car on the way to work, and so I attempted to get there and I almost achieved it, I got there mentally but I didn't also get the all encompassing feeling.
- Dreams all Wednesday (Thursday?) night were about loss. Each dream had at least one tooth fall out (or at least very loose). The last dream had multiple teeth come out, two right in a row, and all that did pretty quickly relative to each other except the first. The last dream was also about having to pack up and move quickly, and then while driving by myself (I don't remember this part) and I lost all my cargo across the freeway, and I tried to retrieve it as best and quickly as I could because each box was part of my life, but it got increasingly harder and more dangerous (with the cars driving by of course) and then I started moving slower so that I really couldn't move fast enough, it was actually like I was thinking and perceiving faster than my body was able to move 'cause even the cars had slowed down perceptually, but that way I could see sooner/better than I wouldn't be able to make it in time to save something. There was also a small cliff a few feet off the side of the freeway, and a few of my things had gone over that, either when I first lost everything or as I threw stuff back to the side it tumbled over. I do remember there was someone else who showed up, had been driving behind me(?), and said he would help me, don't worry that he would get the stuff over the edge of the cliff and for me to get the stuff in the road.
After waking it seemed to be a dream about personal loss, not just material, like me having lost parts of myself.
- Over the weekend I had another realization, this one about my Religious life. Or rather it was more like a feeling of what I should be doing. Celebration, ceremony, service - whatever it is, I should do once a month. :) Coolness I think! Now I just have to figure out when each once a month is for me.